Legend of the Five Rings

I'm taking a little break from the photography aspect of this blog, though I do owe an update on my progress.

Instead, for the last couple of days I have been painfully mulling around in my head what to play for Ghen-ki's 'Legend of the Five Rings' short campaign. Its only going to last a few sessions- two to four at best. I've never played it before and so I've been trying to figure out what a good first character might be.

I'm somewhat wanting to use this opportunity to play something that is not normally 'me,' and yet I am admittedly shy of straying. I play with some really dynamic, experienced players and its incredibly intimidating. But I am (at least as if this moment) determined not to be overshadowed and sidelined by other great players and their characters, even though I am by nature not a powerhouse type of player.

I think one of the first things I best cast aside is any notion of a character who will, 'make the world a better place for all.' I have a tendency to take a highly idealized approach to gaming, where 'everybody wins,' especially the players. This is somewhat hard to explain, as the goal of roleplaying is often to play in a world where the goal is to make 'the world a better place.' However, everybody has a different view of this and I am, apparently, a little rosey-tinted.

I tend to play the facilitators, the compromisers, the acquiescers (yes I see you, little red line telling me thats not a word... I lack a better term). And while that is entirely me as a person, it seldom seems to work well in a roleplaying setting. At least, not well if you want to feel integral to the outcome. I also play the idealists...

... Which is somewhat ironic to me because I also tend to play characters who are sneaky. A better world through stealth and treachery and all that jazz. Hmmm. Interesting. Weird. I rarely play characters of direct, decisive and brutal action. The 'goodness' in me wants to avoid the fight, convert the enemy or out-think him, or failing that, weaken him to such a degree that he is foolish to stand in our way.

However, for the most part this strategy has not really worked. My friends are the decisive action sort, thus I am often sidelined by direct action rather than the indirect, as the world works. And so here I am. Considering what I should 'go back to.'

I am, however, fighting myself here. I am, by preference, subtle. I seek synergy and harmony and collaboration in life, a gradual building of ideas and refining process until total agreement is made. I don't like 'disagreeing' with people, or confrontation. The thing I must do, then, is 'suspend myself.' I'm not playing myself in these games. But how do I do this and still assure that my character is fun? This is where I'm having some difficulty.

So I'm trying to narrow down the things that I should try to work on.

- Decisiveness. I need to work on playing a character who is 'more direct.' I let metagame commentary influence my actions and force me into second thinking too often. Too often, it leads me into deference to someone else. It might be helpful to them, and they may be trying to be helpful to me. But ultimately I end up feeling deferential and ineffective.

- Focusing. I have found, especially in my recent experiences with Amber, that I tend to 'generalize' a character. I want to be an effective pillar of support for all, and to do that, one often has to have a general, overarcing set of skills and abilities. But I seldom tend to grab a single discipline and run wild with it as a defining motif. The result is a character that can do much, but nothing spectacularly. A lot of my generalization of character is really an attempt to plug the holes and weaknesses of the group as a whole. Again, very much a support role.

- Confrontation. I need to stop fearing confrontations in-game, both with Non-Player opponents and potentially, with my fellow players. My experiences with Amber has taught me that I am, again, very much the facilitator and idealist. I don't tend to lose myself in ruthlessness or confrontation, especially when it comes to my fellow players. But I play with friends who are not necessarily against this. In fact, individual goals seem to be even more important than an overriding group goal at times. We are, after all, individuals.

- No more over-thinking. I do this a lot. In fact, this entire blog entry might be considered an exercise in overthinking (I'd like to think I'm analyzing myself and trying to gain something from it- no big epiphanies so far though). I have always wanted to pull off a grandiose scheme, even when a simple, direct solution would be best. Its really weird.

I will admit... I have aspirations for taking on a role that I have never succeeded in- a 'social-fu' character. Someone who is confident enough to take on the GM on a social level and attempt to be a successful, meaningful facet that can help steer the game. I'm not sure I can pull this off. Ghen-ki is an eloquent, and well-thought out individual. And while I would very much like to believe I am capable of eloquence, I understand that any I have is entirely in the world of writing. Here, I can dwell and consider my next move. In roleplay, I don't have the luxury to 'dwell.' My fellow players do not give me the chance to 'think,' and while I am witty when I am comfortable, I am seldom comfortable enough to do this in this kind of situation.

Which really annoys me, because I think a Crane or Scorpion Courtier would be really interesting. But I honestly am uncertain that I could pull this off. If I am going to be decisive, I should. And that bears some further soul-searching.

Certainly one of the most 'direct' and least over-thinking characters might be this notion of a Crab Hiruma Scout. I have rarely if ever played a direct 'fighter' in a game. I guess, somewhere in me, I always looked at them as the least interesting characters. They smash. They grab. They kill the bad guys. You play them in pretty much every video game imaginable. Theres not much thought here, at least not outside of combat. Now a Samurai is kind of unique in this instance. If we go by the 'historical Samurai' he was as much of an artist, gentleman and administrator as a warrior. But a historical Samurai is not an L5R Samurai, at least not one that really stands out. I have like 45 points so I better make them count.

My gut is to play something comfortable, like a Pheonix Shugenja or Courtier, who can pull off interesting (or to some, annoying) bits of lore-fu. Unfortunately in most games this is a fairly useless thing, and again, it leads to over-thinking on my part. And again, it would be a support character who offers only background and, in the end, would be quashed under the 'might makes right' mentality of a powerful Bushi. So... I really should just push aside this tendency.

Ahh... why must character decision be such a torturous affair to me?